I’m so close

by Leonie

Emmanuelle, why do we have such problems with starting things that we actually want to start – nobody forces us -, that we are motivated for and know they will help us somehow in the future, so, are good for us and will even be fun? How many albums with inspirational-and-motivating-instagram-quotes-pictures can we create, how many people can we tell about this project that we’re just one step from starting, how many excuses can we make because there’s always this one thing that has to be done before (my room has to be organized, otherwise my brain isn’t organized as well), how many lists can we make about it, oh and yes, on how many to do lists will it be written before we actually start ?

It took me four months and 28 different lists until I started talking to you here. I couldn’t decide anything, how and what I wanted to tell you, how I would call this little space and so I’d rather clean out my closet and go for a run (because this also had to be done and you can scratch it so easily from your to do list) to escape these decisions and the fear, that it all wouldn’t turn out as I wanted it to. And as I had this plan so strong in my head and knew I’d start one day, I felt like I already started. No, it had to be the first day of a new year as an obvious ultimate deadline, until I could stop manipulating myself and just create this nice thing with messages to you, within 5 minutes.

Don’t be confused if I’ll change writing to you in german instead of english, it can happen, and probably you will see a lot of pictures of me or maybe not even one but instead photos of really well dressed other people or of a place or of weird projects from weird universities. Sometimes I’ll just share my highly intellectual thoughts with you and maybe I’ll show you some clothes so you can tell me what you think.

Salut Emmanuelle,

Leonie

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